Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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