Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's the barista slut.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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