And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
