Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
