Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
