i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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