Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
