So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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