Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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