She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
