I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She said her name was "party"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
