Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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