What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you would pick up someone in the library
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
