What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
