oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
