Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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