Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize