I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
