oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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