Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
