All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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