I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
