I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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