i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
