What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
