worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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