were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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