No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
where am i from again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
