you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
