I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
