I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
