my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
