My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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