watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
