I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
