Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
