Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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