Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
