This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
