she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
