he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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