if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
