You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
