Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
