apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
