guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
