What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
