Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
