I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize