census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
