I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize