do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
