I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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