is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
