If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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