I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
