if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
