She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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