ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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