dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
