This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
