Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize