the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
