Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
