i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
