i think my tv is drunk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
