The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
